For all of the Wonderful Pisces in my life. To my brother Luke and some of my closest friends
Working with the 12th house and all it has to offer
Being a 12th house person, I have dealt with the many rewarding and challenging aspects that this house’s energies bring, which include: deep spiritual awakenings, confusion, loneliness, and yes, loads of self undoing. I’ve pretty much been an individualist for as long as I can remember which I’d like to think is absolutely a 12th house trait, although others may disagree. Perhaps individualist is the wrong word. For when I think of an individual in a true sense, Uranus planet of originality and eccentricity fits the bill. Perhaps the word should be private, shy, or alone. Whenever I tell people this is how I truly feel, they usually say something to the tone of ‘You? I would never have guessed.’ They would never have guessed because I have Libra ascendant conjunct mercury, which makes for a rather fun loving and outgoing nature.
I can talk up a storm and will usually chat with any person sitting on the greyhound or park bench beside me. Since it’s all in passing and I know these people have no effect on my life, I will be ridiculously candid and tell them things I would usually keep secret from a new friend or lover. My best friend continually gives me shit for this rather funny occurrence. She always says, “Janelle did you tell your life story to any bums today?”
My Sun, Venus, and Mars are all in Virgo in the 12th. Let’s start with some facts, shall we? I was born to a mother who was adopted. She never knew her birth parents or her real birthday. She gave me up for adoption the day I was born. I have never met her because she has schizophrenia and lives in the state mental hospital. There is no record of my biological father on my birth certificate, or anywhere else. My adopted family is highly religious, but truly spiritual, Neptunian to the max.
I struggled with addiction and depression in my teen years. Followed by my unwashed, acid doing, jam band following, hippie days. After that, I lived on a boat in Alaska and bunked in a room with 5 other people who I also worked with and spent every waking hour with. They would always get mad at me when we had time off of the boat, because instead of exploring the town with them, I would choose to inconsiderately disappear for a few hours by myself. After that, I lived in sustainable community in India, where I would also hide in my room just to be alone. I even faked being sick so I could be away from everyone. After that, I went to Massage School in New Mexico and spent 8 hours a day, 7 days a week with the same 12 people for 6 months. I deliberately took every single sick day that I was allowed, just to be alone.
Starting to see a trend? Community, escapism, and intense self-reflection all fit into my life experience thus far. As well as the maddening push and pull of the Piscean paradox, the cat like way of saying ‘ I want to be around you, but leave me alone please’.
The Piscean paradox consists of two of the exact same forces pulling against each other and working as opposites even though they are one in the same. The glyph represents two fish swimming against one another, connected by a single cord. It is this tension that creates the great Piscean or 12th house dilemma, and why so many of these types are druggies, healers, hermits or psychos. It can go one of two ways in this dualistic human reality, negative or positive depending on how each individual has chosen to integrate such defining oppositions.
Being a highly curious individual, I have done much soul searching on the matter. I’d like to believe that the energies of the stars have had an effect on my life. I can’t imagine my life without the spiritual influence of my family or without the deep pain and trauma of my early years and late teens. Those experiences have molded me and given me strength as an adult.
The only real vice I refuse to let go of is caffeine and of course all of those cutie lost boys, who seem to be so damn attractive, but always end up being so damn unavailable. ( If only I would’ve let my fishy Neptune eyes see them clearly instead of letting miss 12th house Venus reflect my own doubt and fear of closeness to begin with)
There are still 12th house things that I am working through and will continue to my entire life. I need to figure out how to like the guy who likes me or how to open up emotionally and just trust people. I'd like to know how to find some balance when I feel so completely torn between this or that, but mostly I want to continue to grow and expand as a human.
The 12th has it’s challenges like anything else but without friction there would be no fire, with no fire there would be no heat, without heat, no burn, without burn, no transformation, without transformation, no shine. So shine on you crazy 12th house people!
If you yourself are a pisces or find yourself constantly surrounded by fishy friends...check this out!
Here is a great professional take on the 12th house and it's influence on ones life